The following
are comments readers posted on my latest blog post, “Weddings.”
Anonymous: I admire
your passion, but it seems like someone of your talents could do just as much
for the human race if you were married, if not more, since you would likely
have one or more offspring who would carry on good work after you ‘enter the
soil.”
Kaitlin
(my college roommate and dear friend): Tracy, I disagree with
Anonymous here. Your offspring are not the only ones who can carry on your
legacy of good work. Everyone who meets your gaze can and will be inspired by
you. Any person, not only your hypothetical children, can join you on the dance
floor. Your life uncommon exudes love and joy to all. Love, K
Anonymous:
She could get married (and have children, or not), and everyone who would then
meet her gaze could and would be inspired, anyway. Maybe even more so than if she wasn't
married. And there are plenty of outlets
(probably not the right word) for Christian fervor, passion, and zest--for
women and men--that don't include celibacy.
It’s not the first time I’ve received comments or
questions of this nature. “Why do you have to become a Sister?” It is a valid question that I pondered myself
in discernment. Kaitlin is right on in her comment. Here are the answers I've come up with:
1. It’s about being called. Let me begin my response with a paraphrase of
the introduction to the movie Song of
Bernadette that Sr. Janet shared with me: “For those who are called, no explanation is necessary. For those who are not called, no explanation
is possible.” When it comes right
down to it, my life choice is a question of call, not simply of what I want or
will be able to accomplish. The
experience of this call is as mysterious, I suppose, as knowing what career you
want to pursue or which person you want to marry.
A human being certainly can make a spectacular
difference in any walk of life, but our challenge as people of faith is to look
inside at the gifts God has given us and choose the path in which those gifts
respond best to the world’s need (paraphrased from Frederick Buechner). This
is vocation; this is the idea that each of us has a unique mission to live out
in bringing about the Kingdom of God. Last
year, although unequivocally in love with my boyfriend, I felt strangely
unsettled trying to imagine my future as a wife and mother. Picturing myself in the religious life, I had
a sense of promise and inner freedom, somehow knowing that my gifts would
flourish.
If I chose to marry or remain single, I would find
some joy and do some good. As Anonymous points out, if I married, perhaps my
offspring would have chosen to carry on some of what I believe in. Naturally, I’ve imagined the family I could
have formed and speculated about what my kids would have been like. I think I would be a good mother, but I know
that those are not my strongest gifts.
And as my neighbor Siba, a mother of five, reminded me the other day, kids grow
up to be who they are and not always what their parents expect them to be. It seems that being a parent requires
relinquishing a hold on any hoped-for outcomes.
When it comes right down to it, what I must trust are the Holy Spirit’s
inclinations inside of me that say that this
is my path to the fullness of joy.
2. Celibacy allows me to love in a wide
way. As Kaitlin points out in her
comment, although my commitment keeps me from leaving a legacy to biological
offspring, it would be crazy to assume that the only lives we touch as humans
are our children’s. Who has not been
influenced by teachers, friends, religious leaders, neighbors, public figures, and
writers? In any vocation, I can touch
any number of lives. There are indeed many outlets for Christian passion and service, as Anonymous states in her/his second comment.
 |
| Mili, a little girl from Anapra, Mexico. She's one of the loves of my life. |
But the way I touch lives is different in the religious life,
because the primary focus of my love is outward. Now, let's be real - I don't wake up every day and shout, "Thank you, God, for calling me to celibacy!" But, I am coming to appreciate its gifts. Love that would have overflowed for my spouse
and children instead pours out on the little children in Anapra, Mexico, who
come running to greet us upon our arrival to the clinic or on distressed people who come to Sacred Heart Church in search of support. Time and energy I would have channeled into my family home help me
to serve fully in the areas of greatest need without first considering an
obligation to husband and kids.
3. God must
be number one in my life. Imagine
asking a woman who feels called to motherhood more than anything else, “Why do
you have to be a mom? Why don’t you do
some babysitting on the evenings and weekends?
That way you can love and care for children, but you can still keep your
job.” The question sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? She would never be completely
fulfilled while the job remained her primary commitment.
In much the same way, what my heart desires most is
to be a witness to the love of God alive in our world. I can’t make something else my priority and
squeeze the other part into extra time. Making vows to one person feels
limiting to me. I need to vow my life to something that orients my heart 100% to God. I feel free when I am totally and fully available to serve God and God’s people.
4. I want to live a shared mission. In my
second blog post, “A Life Uncommon,” I describe the blessing that is
Community. Community life is
mission-driven life. As Sisters of
Charity of Cincinnati, we live out the following mission statement: Urged by the love of Christ and in the
spirit of our founder, Elizabeth Ann Seton,we Sisters of Charity of Cincinnati
strive to live Gospel values. We choose to act justly, to build loving
relationships,to share our resources with those in need,and to care for all
creation.”
Much as a couple (I imagine) feels a sense of excitement
talking about their shared future, I get PUMPED knowing that I am trying to
live these beautiful words along with 350 other Sisters. When we meet in small groups and as a
congregation, when we send emails and letters, when we spend time just being
together – it is ALL framed by that sense of being urged by the love of
Christ.
Our community pools
it resources, allowing each Sister to use her gifts in the ministry she feels
called to. I am able to work in two
volunteer placements, directly serving the poor, because of this set-up. Our unified effort also allows us to run ministries that would be virtually impossible if we were all out on
separate ventures. Ten years ago, the
Sisters that I live with started Proyecto Santo Nino, a community center for
kids with special needs, in Mexico.
Because of their complete and total dedication, together, they have been
able to sustain the ministry.
Congregation-wide, we share about and support each other in these
labors. It is exhilarating to be part of
a group that does so many great things. I feel my God-given purpose come to life in this shared mission.
5. Community calls us forward to be our best
selves and to do things we might not ordinarily be able to do. On Friday
night, some community mates and I watched Of
Gods and Men, a beautiful and honest movie (and true story) about community
living and discernment. Trappist monks
on mission in Algeria in the 1990’s decide, as a community, to stay in the
country during a time of great turmoil and violence, knowing that they will
probably be killed by extremists.
Through their communal prayer, conversations about their mission, and
love for one another, they find the strength to be witnesses to their faith,
even to death. Of course, martyrdom is a radical outcome of community living, but the story shows the power
generated by a life uncommon in common. As the film rolled, my heart filled with gratitude for my community. On a daily basis, we urge each other forward. We learn each other’s stories,
come to know our gifts and shadows, share joys, and work through hard
times. Living with people who you don't
necessarily choose and who come from different backgrounds and walks
of life brings with it a set of challenges and riches. Community life stretches
me, helps smooth out my rough edges, helps me see life in fresh ways and grows me into the person I am called to be.
 |
| The power of community discernment in a scene from Of Gods and Men |
6. It is the only thing that will be “enough.” Becoming a Sister is the only thing that will fulfill my spiritual hunger to give EVERYTHING I have to God. Anything short of my whole life would not feel like enough to me. Making this choice has been like slipping my feet into a new pair of shoes that God crafted perfectly for me. They’re exactly the right size (and at the same time will take a little walking around for them to feel “broken in"). There are questions that remain to be processed and feelings that remain to be felt, but my heart feels at peace and sighs, “God is good.”
In
closing
Speaking of God’s goodness, I have to tell you what just happened. So I'm at the end of my writing process, searching for that zinger of a last line that will wrap things up perfectly, when a man sits down at my table at Starbucks.
He introduces himself out of the
blue. His name is Jack, and he is from
Kenya. His smile is kind. He asks what I am doing and grows curious when I answer that I’m
writing a blog about becoming a Catholic Sister. He asks many questions. After listening intently, he nods with great
understanding, and says, “So, basically you and your Sisters are bringers of
hope?” I smile. “Gosh, I hope so,” is my quiet answer.
 |
| Lord, let me be a bringer of hope. |
Some of us are called to this single-hearted,
mission-driven life shared in community.
Can you imagine if Mother Teresa, Archbishop Romero, or certain Sisters,
Brothers, and priests you know hadn’t said YES to the path of religious life? It seems to me that the purpose of these lives (and my
life) is to say to the world, “Christ’s mission is worth everything.” Our relationship with God, service to others, especially the poor and marginalized,
and working toward unity and justice are worth the gift of an entire life. This is my call, and it just wouldn’t feel
right to do it any other way. If I get
to bring the world a little hope while I'm at it, well, praise God.
