 |
| Kaitlin and me before a UD basketball game, 2004 |
 |
| Freshmen at UD |
Tracy: Alright, Kait, to start off, what would you like to say about how we met?
Kaitlin:
I just like that we met even before freshman year of college, 9 years ago, and
we knew automatically that we were going to be best friends. (I
laugh) No, seriously, it was so
easy! We’re both so different now from
who we were then, but it’s still just as easy.
 |
| Junior year roommates: Christie, me, Kait, Clare Julie, Rachel |
T: When
you think about our time as roommates together at UD, what comes to mind for
you?
K: For me, it’s just happy; a time where we were
trying to figure out what we would do and where our talents were best used, but
we were always really involved, and busy…and happy.
T:
That’s exactly the word that came to mind for me too when I pictured our
room! Always lots of laughing.
 |
| Kait, Clare, and me after a Christmas party, 2007 |
 |
| Our house at UD senior year |
K: Right, and it was just uncomplicated, but not
unquestioning. So, I pulled off…um…our mission statement (I laugh loudly. Yes, Kaitlin and I actually wrote a mission
statement and hung it in our bedroom senior year. I know…).
Listen to it! (I’m still giggling) Listen to it.
T: Okay, okay.
K: It still describes our UD experience so
well to me. Here it is: “Kaitlin and Tracy pledge to live each day
with laughter, light-heartedness, and a positive approach. This shall be manifest in undying dedication
to academic excellence and a passion for leading lives framed by intelligence
and leadership, centered in a deep faith in God and in ourselves, lived out in
a commitment of service to others.”
T: Wow.
K:
Doesn’t that just say it?
 |
| Senior year roommates, clockwise from top L: Julie, me, Kait, Christie, Clare |
T: That makes me really proud of us actually,
because I think sometimes it’s easy to focus on things about college life that I’m
not so proud of.
K: Of course.
It’s easy to think back on the scenes at Tim’s or Milano’s (favorite UD bars) where it’s 4 in the
morning…wait a minute, never mind…it was never 4 in the morning for us. (We
both laugh) It was 2 in the morning (laughs), and we’d be out all night, at
several different parties…yea. But that
sense of mission has always been central to who we are.
T: When those 4 years were coming to a close,
what did you think that my future might look like?
 |
| Kait and me on the El Paso/Juarez trip with Ali and children from Anapra, Mexico, 2006 |
K: Well,
I knew at the time you were going to Ecuador to serve for at least one year,
and I thought was good for you and in line with your wanting to live a life of
service. But I thought that afterward,
you would find a good non-profit to work for.
I still pictured you on the border [at El Paso, Texas, and Ciudad
Juarez, Mexico]. (Kaitlin and I went on an immersion trip there
together as sophomores. I did end up
living for 3 years with the Sisters of Charity). And…I thought you’d be married. Not necessarily with one of the guys you
dated in college…I’m not sure. I don’t
know about kids, ‘cause it was still too early for me to think about. But, I pictured you with a husband. I mean, that was the norm. And you’d been in a lot of relationships; a
lot of steady relationships.
T:
Yea. (We both laugh) That’s
similar to what I thought, too. That I
would end up married and working for a non-profit somewhere or in campus
ministry.
K:
Yea. I didn’t see you going to law
school even though you took the LSAT.
Just because it would’ve been too removed from “the people” for you.
T:
So, do you remember the first time I told you I was thinking about being
a nun?
 |
| Kait and me at friends' wedding, after graduation and before I left for Ecuador, 2008 |
K: It
would’ve been the Fall of 2009, right?
T: Well, 2008. It was the Fall after we graduated. We were chatting online because I was in
Ecuador.
K: Right, right.
Okay. Honestly, I remember being
not too stunned by the news. The way you
explained it to me, it wasn’t like you were sure about it. So my whole outlook on your life didn’t
change instantly. It felt like – okay, this
is something we’ll think and pray about.
Oh, and the timing made sense. You
were in a place where you were doing so much reflection. I remember being jealous of all the time you
had to pray. I had already thought, “Wow,
look what she’s coming to! I wonder what
the future holds?” So, it wasn’t
difficult to understand.
T: I remember feeling support from you
right away. You were one of the first
people I told, I think right after my Mom.
I knew it wouldn’t be totally off the wall for you because of
our faith background. But you were so very
receptive, which was nice. Because I
think for me it felt like “coming out” in a certain way, like sharing a deep
secret.
K: Yes! When
I was reflecting, that was a comparison that came up for me. It was
kind of like you were “coming out.” But
I will say that still, it really wasn’t as surprising to me as maybe you
thought it would be.
T:
So, from that day on you’ve been walking with me on this journey. What’s it been like for you?
K: Hmm…some parts have been very difficult. The part that stands out to me is that very dark period you went into after you
realized God was indeed calling you to the religious life, but it required so
much sacrifice on your part. You and
your boyfriend broke up and you moved back from Boston. So
that Christmas season and all the way into February was so dark. You were so down, and I couldn’t help you,
except for saying things like, “You’re doing what you’re called to do!”
Other
things had been clearer, like when you described living in the Affiliate house
as “dating the idea of becoming a nun.”
That was very relatable for me!
If you’re dating someone, you’re just seeing if it fits and if it’s
where you’re called to be. That was easy
to understand and support. But in this
one, I couldn’t help you much, because it was a foreign experience. That was very difficult.
 |
| Visiting Kait in Ann Arbor, 2012 |
At the
same time, other things have been uplifting and wonderful, like seeing you at
the Motherhouse among all these Sisters who place so much hope and trust in you. It made me so proud! Trace, so much of your journey has led me to
immense pride in you. That’s why I tell
everybody that my best friend is going to be a nun. Cause I’m really proud that
you are!
T: Of course you know I’m crying right
now. (I
laugh through my tears)
Okay, moving
on…is there anything you’ve learned that has surprised you about religious
life?
K: Yes! I’ve
learned a lot about different ideologies within the Catholic Church…well,
particularly in the U.S. As Catholics,
we all adhere to the faith, but then there are these branches, like more
liberal Catholicism that emphasizes Catholic Social Teaching and liberation
theology. It became evident in the
tension around the Church’s investigation of the U.S. Catholic Sisters. I paid so much more attention to that whole
thing because I knew that you were joining the ranks. And it’s driven me to have more conversations
about things like that than I would otherwise.
Oh! I also learned in one of our recent
conversations that Sisters and Brothers are considered part of the laity
because they’re not ordained. I never
knew that before!
T:
Was there anything that you learned during your visit here to the
Novitiate House and Mother House?
 |
| Kait and me with my parents during her recent visit |
K: Yes, that’s why I’m glad I visited. I understand your life there much better now. One thing I come away with is that you’re
under more pressure than I was sensing. When
I was there, I felt pressure to get to know the many older Sisters and their
stories – because they’re remarkable!
These women have done remarkable things for our Church and our
world. And within the next couple
decades, many of them will be gone. I
see how you want to know these stories.
They inspire you and help you to know how to live out your...hmm…I think
of it as a call within a call. You know,
there’s Sr. Kateri working with the veterans and doing amazing things on their
behalf…and Sr. Flo, going to a remote village in Peru and being pretty much the
only face of the official Church there. There
are many stories to hear, and big shoes to fill, and that can be daunting!
T: Yes,
it definitely can be, especially because this year could be the only time in
the foreseeable future that I live so close to the Motherhouse. So there is a certain sense of pressing
desire to “get to know.”
K: Yea,
and I just imagine that might be stressful in a way. I also see what a gift this year is for
you. You get to learn from everyone
around you as well as really focus on your own spirituality and relationship
with God.
T:
It is definitely a great gift!
Speaking of gifts, let’s talk for a
minute about our friendship. Has my
choosing this path brought any specific challenges or gifts to our relationship?
 |
| Jason and Kaitlin in 2011 |
K: One great gift is that since we’re taking
different paths, we have to communicate our lives better to each other to
maintain this level of understanding. For
example, when Jason and I found out that we were going to have a baby, we told
our parents and our siblings first. Then
I talked with Jason and told him that I wanted to tell you before we told
anybody else, because…I don’t know…it felt right to include you in that part of
my life. Because you’re called to be a
Sister, I feel like I should be very open to you about my life and my marriage so
we don’t drift apart. I have to tell you because you won’t be able to say, “Oh
yea, my husband I went through that, too.” And I think you’ve been doing the same thing with me. That’s what I saw when I came to visit
you. There’s openness about your life
and your calling and what you’re doing every day. |
| Roommates at Kait's wedding, April 2013 |
T:
Yes! It’s enriching to both be
fully embracing our different vocations and sharing about it. I feel blessed to have such an understanding
of what the beginnings of marriage and starting a family can be like through
your eyes, since I’ll never have that experience personally. I treasure that.
K: I do, too.
And I also like that I’m able to share about you with other people. It starts so many rewarding conversations,
with friends that are Catholic, or Jewish, or any other faith, or those that
don’t identify with any faith tradition.
T: One challenge to our friendship that I
reflected on has been my absence at gatherings of friends in the last few
years. I know I talked with you about this internal struggle last spring when
you had your bachelorette party in Philly.
I just couldn’t be present for things as much as I’ve wanted to in the
last few years.
T: Yes,
definitely. And I know that I’ll often
have to make choices like that based on my commitment to community and ministry
as well as due to our sharing of financial resources. I know that these kinds of changes come with
any sort of commitment. I know that your
dinner time with Jason is sacred. You
don’t spend your evenings on the phone because you want to be present with
him. And once you start a family, it’ll
be more difficult for you to just go on a girls’ weekend or something. I think maybe it just hit me the last few
years because the twenties are often a time of relatively more freedom. And I just couldn’t be there for all of the
get-togethers and celebrations.
 |
| Exploring the Sisters of Charity Motherhouse grounds |
T: Going
along with that, do you have any words of wisdom for friends or family of
someone discerning a religious vocation, or any life choice that might be
considered unexpected or unique?
K: My
words of wisdom are just to keep an open mind.
The person who is discerning is trying as hard as they can to figure out
where they’re meant to be. Saying things
like, “Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet!” is not ever going to help (laughs). It kind of breaks
my heart when I hear people…well, normally it’s single men in their
mid-twenties who think you’re very attractive (we laugh) and they’ll say to me things like, “She’s so beautiful,
she’s so talented, she’s so funny…WHY is she doing this? Maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy yet.” But the thing is, it’s NOT a last
resort. I know the kind of heartache
that you went through. You were probably
looking at every other possibility before you could give yourself to this path (we laugh again because it’s true). Adding pressure won’t help. Just try to be supportive and more open with
your friend about your life, too.
T: Beautiful. Finally – considering the future, as we both
live out our God-given vocations, what do you look forward to in our
friendship?
K: I can’t
wait. I’m so excited! I can’t help but smile. First of all, our little babe having an Aunt
Tracy who’s a nun (we giggle). It’s going to be so special. And then, thinking about…well, this is a
perspective I have after going to the Novitiate House. I see all the amazing things that these women
have done, and I wonder: what is it
going to be for you? How are you going
to live this out? How are you going to
change the world? The possibilities are
ENDLESS. It’s exciting, and it’s
something that’s going evolve throughout our lives. And, I get to be there! I get to be your best friend still. (laughs) It just makes me happy, Trace.