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| The wonderful Sister Laura and I at my graduation party in May 2008 |
I wanted to believe her and Julian, but I truthfully didn’t see how things would ever be well again if I was being called to be a Sister, mostly because I had no real idea of what becoming a Sister means. Even growing up in a Catholic family and attending sixteen years of Catholic school, I wasn’t really encouraged to consider that my vocation could be something besides marriage.
I grew up
hearing “Vocation Prayers” at my parish.
If you’re Catholic, you’ve probably joined in saying one of these at the
end of a Mass or two. It’s a prayer that
we say to ask for God to call “laborers into the harvest.” Although sometimes these prayers include all
vocations, most often they focus on the priesthood and religious life.
I always
thought the prayers sounded a little desperate.
They gave me the sense that our Church valued Brothers, Sisters,
and priests, but that becoming one was not really something someone in their right mind
would choose to do. And so we had to beg
God to rope people into it: Pretty pleeeease with sugar on top, God,
force some poor suckers, but not us (or not our kids and grandkids), to take
one for the team!
Little Me
always felt a sorry for the unsuspecting victims whom God picked after hearing
the Vocation Prayer enough times. They
would now have to join that group of people separate from normal human beings
who don’t get to have a wife or husband or kids or money and have to do
whatever they’re told. What a drag!
Once God
started pestering me into becoming one of those “poor suckers,” I grew to
resent the Vocation Prayer. I watched my
fellow Catholics mouth the words all too calmly. “Easy for you to say,” I thought indignantly. Those people had no idea what they were doing
to my life with all that stupid vocation praying!
Of course, I’m
saying all of this a bit tongue in cheek.
But my point is the following: my perceptions echo a societal
misunderstanding of this uncommon path. Is it any
wonder that I freaked out when I felt that first nudge to the religious life
during that fateful November of 2008 in Ecuador?
For starters, I
think that in general, people think I am embarking on a life of utter
sacrifice. Yes, it involves giving up very
tangible things, which is difficult! I’ve
shared my struggles with you. Especially
in a world that tells us that sex and money are the end all, be all of the human
experience, choosing this might seem absolutely loco. But, come on, do you really think people
would do it if there wasn’t something wonderful involved?! Every life involves some degree of sacrifice
and a greater degree of gift.
As Ronald
Rolheiser says in the The Holy Longing,
“every choice is a renunciation” of something else. The call, I think, is about figuring out what
is the GIFT that we’re willing to renounce other gifts for. The joy we feel when we find that gift makes
the sacrifices seem less daunting. That’s
the idea of “governing desire” that Fr. Jim Martin told me about.
In the case of
the religious life, the gifts may be more unseen and are certainly less talked
about, but they are real and deep. A
mother who can’t imagine life without her beloved children is willing to endure
sleepless nights and tiring days to give them all that they need. I am willing to wrestle with the
“renunciations” of the religious life to embrace the beauty and freedom of giving all of my being to God and to the service of my sisters and brothers.
Last Sunday,
the Catholic Church celebrated the World Day of Prayer for Vocations, a day set
aside specifically to pray for vocations to the priesthood and diaconate, to
the religious life (both male and female), and to the missionary life in all
forms. I spent the day with Sister
Janet, helping her to lead a retreat for young adult women and men in our
diocese who are intentionally considering what God might be calling them to at
this point in their life – a “Life Awareness” Day.
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| Luis and I being questionably normal but undoubtedly joyful and passionate at a youth rally in El Paso last year |
I served on a
panel with 3 others: Sister Lourdes, a Franciscan Missionary of Mary from Mexico ; Father Jose, a diocesan priest from El Paso (both of them in
their 30’s), and my friend Luis, age 25, who is discerning the priesthood while
living with the Columban Fathers. We all
responded to the question: How did you know?
I can’t
describe how it felt to sit next to them and share intimate experiences of God's call. Our stories were all different
but marked by a similar passion. Listening
to them would blast anyone’s stereotypes of the priesthood and religious
life. It was clear in each one’s sharing
that we are not just “taking one for the team,” by accepting this “life of
sacrifice” for our world and our Church.
We are energetic, joyful, normal (most of the time) young people with gifts and faults who have
found that one thing that sets our hearts on fire. I laughed, and I cried, and I felt overcome
with gratitude to be sitting right where I was.
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| Our community and friends proudly reppin' the Sisters of Charity at the Voice of the Voiceless dinner |
Two weeks ago,
my community and I attended the Voice of the Voiceless, a social justice
benefit dinner in El Paso
put on by Annunciation House. This year,
they chose to honor women religious in both the U.S. and Mexico for the faithful
service they have shown to migrants.
What a moment it was when all of the Sisters present were invited to
stand! They did so humbly and were met
with thunderous applause. My heart sang: I can’t WAIT to be a Sister!
During my early
discernment, I read a pamphlet called “God Isn’t Trying to Trick You.” As obvious as that statement sounds, I needed
to hear it, and hear it a lot of times.
My spiritual director during my second year in Ecuador, Hermana Maca,
told me that if I was called to be a Sister, one day it would be a joyful
thing. I am beginning to know the truth
of Maca’s words.
In 2008, the
angry question in my heart was, “God, how can this be!?”
Now, I ponder, “God,
how can it be that I am this
blessed?”
God didn’t call
me to be a Sister because God thought it might be funny, or because God wanted
me to suffer, or because God had to meet a certain quota in response to so
many Vocation Prayers and thought that I was as good as any. No.
God created every hair on my head and knows every pulse of my heart. God, who is Abundant, Irrational Love, wants
more for me than I could ever want for myself.
That’s the beautiful
thing about the call: God. Wants. Our.
Joy. Period.
I’d like to
propose a new kind of vocation prayer, one that recognizes that all vocations
are equally precious in God’s eyes and equally enriching to our Church; one
that takes our expansive-loving, joy-bestowing God into account:
God, we know
you’re crazy for us. You’ve created us,
and you know us, and you love us beyond the wildest capabilities of our
imaginations. Help each of us to
discover the unique and beautiful way that you call us to respond to that love.
May we be open to embrace your generous dreams for us.
Give us trust, knowing that it is you who call and you who lead. Give us wisdom, at every step of our life, to
invite you to be our guide. Give us
courage, that we may claim our terrifying and marvelous role as your hands,
feet, and heart in this world. Amen.
If you've never thought of yourself as an instrument of God, maybe now is the time. If you’ve never
asked God, “Hey, what do think I should do?” maybe now is the time. The call isn’t a one-time event; it’s an
unfolding experience that grows as we grow.
It’s never too early or too late to begin to invite God into our
decisions.
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| Life is sweet for these 2 sisters-to-be, Andrea and myself! |
And, a special
PSA to anyone who wonders, even an eency-weency bit, if your call might include
one of the more uncommon paths (priesthood, religious life, or missionary life): Do not be afraid! God does not impose burdens on poor suckers; God
invites each of us to greater joy than we could ever imagine. You owe it to yourself to check it out! A little nudge, whether exciting or alarming
or confusing to you at the moment, could be the doorway to something wonderful.
It's been a bumpy ride, and I'm sure the road won't ever be perfectly smooth. But I can't imagine driving down any other. I only hope that every person can find the deep peace and down-to-the-soul gladness that I am stumbling upon as a Sister-in-Training. Sr. Laura, somehow
you and Julian were right. Truly, all is well!
